


Emergency Plan

by inarticulate_star



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Mentions of Donut - Freeform, and Lopez, set in blood gulch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 02:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14844086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inarticulate_star/pseuds/inarticulate_star
Summary: Currently, Red Team was in a situation. Grif didn't like situations. Situations meant he'd have to work, have to actually do things. Situations also meant Sarge making up some crazy plan which would include a grisly demise for Grif. Oh, and he's have to listen to Simmons kiss Sarge's ass every five minutes.Yeah, Grif most definitely did not like situations.





	Emergency Plan

Currently, Red Team was in a situation. Grif didn't like situations. Situations meant he'd have to work, have to actually do things. Situations also meant Sarge making up some crazy plan which would include a grisly demise for Grif. Oh, and he'd have to listen to Simmons kiss Sarge's ass every five seconds.

Yeah, Grif most definitely did not like situations.

They had been on the Warthog, driving to Blue Base to try and discuss the blues surrender when the one of the soldiers—Church, if Grif remembered correctly—had started shooting at them. He, of course, didn't hit any of them. Grif was sure he had never hit anyone in his life, ever. But even if the fired bullets hadn't hit anyone, it gave them all a good scare. Grif, startled, abruptly veered the vehicle into a cliff, crashing it and stranding them in enemy ground.

It hadn't been his fault, he had argued. If Sarge had just let Grif sleep the day away like he had originally wanted, the crash wouldn't have happened! But Sarge babbled on, ignoring Grif as usual, blaming him and going on a tangent. No one even noticed Donut's absence! Where was he? Grif could have somehow shifted the blame to Donut, but the boy was never there when needed. Hell, he could even somehow make Lopez to blame for this mess! But he was back at base fixing doors because Donut decided kicking them down was somehow better, (“It’s more dramatic!”), rather than opening them like a normal person.

God, how Grif hated the Red Army.

"Ah, fickle sticks! Grif! You and yer' insubordinate, lazy ass has just left us in enemy ground! They have spies everywhere! You could be a spy—no, wait, you're too lazy to be a spy. If you were in blue team they'd just kick ya out. It's a wonder that I haven't." Sarge chuckled for a moment but soon went back to his, in Grif's opinion, insane ravings. "But Simmons could be a spy!"

"Don't worry, sir," Simmons started. God, the guy just had to kiss Sarge's ass every chance he got, didn't he? "I'd never be a blue spy. I'd rather get shot before becoming blue."

Sarge suddenly gasped, clutching his shotgun tighter. "I could be a spy! I could have been brainwashed by those pesky blues into thinkin' that I'm not a spy, but their calculations have gone wrong and I've had a moment of realisation. My moment of glory!"

There was a pause.

"No! Maybe that's what they want me to think. That I've broken free from their dirty blue hands, and just when I think I'm out I'm pulled right back in..."

Simmons cleared his throat. "Sir, I don't think that's ever going to happen—"

Sarge cut Simmons off dramatically stepping back. "'Yer right, Simmons! Execute Emergency Fallback Plan 14B!"

Simmons wearily sighed and cocked his gun. "Yes, sir!"

Grif stepped back in alarm. "Woah! What's Emergency Falling Plan 14B?"

"Emergency Fallback Plan. Not Falling Plan," Simmons corrected irritably. "And, Sir, do we really have to do this? We could just get Grif to hijack their tank and drive us out of here."

Sarge placed a hand on Simmons' arm, completely ignoring his words. "Don't worry, son. We can eat his corpse if our supplies fail us."

Grif knew it was time for him to start running, but he didn't really feel like it.

Grif screamed as Simmons shot him. Multiple times.

He hated this army so much.


End file.
